On the Subject of Haircuts
by ILoveCheetos-and-AteIsa
Summary: In which Lucy is concerned about the boys, Eustace is disturbed by their lack of hygiene, and Caspian and Edmund try to escape their inevitable doom. VDT bookverse.


The matter of haircuts was evaded for quite a long time. Most of the crew did not wear their hair _too_ long, of course, and even though cutting one's hair was a very tricky business it was difficult to work with long hair flapping over your face. Besides, the King was on board, and lately he had been joined by King Edmund and Queen Lucy as well, so it seemed cheek to disregard cutting your hair. But for the Kings and Queen themselves it was a different matter. After leaving Dragon Island, it became quite unmanagable.

Lucy, being the only girl on board (and a very nice one when it came to things like this, at that) had politely ignored Caspian's long, growing mess of a mop of golden hair, which now reached his shoulders. She, too, rather painfully chose to not say anything about Edmund's uncombed wind-blown hair which by now had become something that resembled a haystack. She did not need to worry about Eustace because Eustace was very neat and clean about everything, and actually took pains to brush his hair every day. He even had Lucy cut it for him after the dragon incident. But Caspian and Edmund, however . . .

"Ed," said Lucy, when she thought she couldn't possibly bear being quiet any longer, "didn't I give you a comb? The one I found in the cabin?"

"Why, yes, you did," Edmund replied presently. "But I'm afraid I can't give it back now because it's nowhere to be found."

"So you haven't brushed your hair since you lost it?" questioned Lucy. She was not speaking angrily, but by now Edmund had realized what the point was and had begun to think of ways to derail the conversation.

"Err, it disappeared when-"

"Edmund," said Lucy, more sternly now, "you _must _cut your hair. Think of what Susan and Peter would say if they saw you."

"Peter wouldn't mind," Edmund offered weakly.

"Really, I'd think you would have more sense than that," Lucy said with a disapproving look. "And you know I wouldn't care for such things if they weren't important."

Edmund bit his lip. Suddenly, a wonderful thought came to him and he smiled. "Caspian hasn't cut _his_ hair."

"I know," sighed Lucy, "but I was talking about you, and not Caspian. Besides, it's different for him. He hadn't anyone except his Nurse to teach him things like that, and he was raised in a castle. Right now he must be having marvellous fun without the fuss of things like servants and gentlemen-in-waiting and _haircuts_. But you-"

"I-"

"-know better. Now, come into the cabin and let me cut your hair." This resulted in numerous objections from Edmund. In fact, he was so passionate about this that he nearly broke into a fight with Lucy but thankfully Caspian wandered in at just the right time to interrupt them.

"Hullo," he said, brushing aside the yellow strands of wet hair that covered his face. "What were you talking about?"

It was, as Lucy thought, a rather depressing sight. A bad habit that Caspian kept up was forgetting to brush his hair every morning. He had picked it up from Edmund no doubt.

"Something very important," said Lucy, just as Edmund said "nothing."

"Let's have it, then!" Caspian said eagerly. He had come expecting the two Pevensies talking about some story that happened long ago in their Golden Age, which he would have loved very much to hear - he relished those tales in the way a little child is excited for bedtime stories. But now was not the time for those.

"Edmund," began Lucy sternly, "needs to have his hair cut. He refuses to do so, but he simply _must_. His hair is - is - it's like a haystack!"

Edmund frowned at her, but he didn't speak.

"Oh, err, well," said Caspian, not knowing what to say to this. "I say."

There was a long silence in which no one said anything and Caspian did not know whether he ought to laugh or run for his life. So he did neither, while Lucy and Edmund glared at one another.

"You know, Lucy," said Edmund in a quieter voice, "Caspian's hair _is _much longer than mine. You should cut his too. It is definitely a haystack."

"A haystack!" exclaimed Caspian.

Edmund's new plan was, as you may have figured out, not to get out of having his hair cut, but rather to find someone with whom he could share his pain.

"Yes," said Edmund slowly. "Positively a haystack. Isn't it, Lu?"

Now, Edmund had known all along that this particular part of his plan would work, for Lucy was a very truthful girl and rarely ever lied.

"We-ell," she said out loud, knowing what Edmund was doing all along, "you know why I'm bothered about _your_ hair more than his, Edmund." By now Caspian had made up his mind and prepared to run away.

"Yes, but oughtn't we get our hair cut together, at the same time?" said Edmund.

"Alright," Lucy agreed a bit reluctantly. "But we must do yours first."

"What!" said Caspian. "I didn't agree to do anything of the sort."

Then Eustace arrived, frowning a little at the loud row. He thought it was much too early in the morning for that sort of thing.

"Hullo, what's this?"

"Lucy is threatening to cut Edmund's hair," said Caspian.

"You mean _your_ hair," retorted Edmund irritably.

"My hair is not a _haystack_!" was the sharp retort.

"Lucy ought to cut both," suggested Eustace coolly. "I cut _my_ hair every few months. And comb it too. It's been scientifcally proven to keep the heat out when-"

"Oh, bother science!" said Edmund and Caspian at the same time. Lucy sighed half-heartedly, almost choosing to give up the entire matter completely.

"See here," she said, "you _must _cut your hair. Both of you."

Eustace gave them a grin that seemed altogether too remiscent of his old, smug self, just as Lucy (although not entirely on purpose) did her best impression of Susan's disapproving frown. Edmund groaned.

"Well, there's nothing else we can do now, Caspian," he said dejectedly. That is, until he suddenly had an idea. "A duel!"

"A duel?" asked three voiced at once.

"Yes," replied Edmund. "The losing opponent will have his hair cut by Lucy, while the win-"

"But didn't you hear what I just said?" interrupted Lucy. "I said _both of you_ need to cut your hair, _not_ just one."

"She's right," said Eustace. "Oughtn't you two quiet down and not make such a racket at this time? It can't be after seven o'clock!" His statement clearly made, Eustace marched off, determined to enjoy the rest of the morning quietly without any silly arguements. Lucy, on the other hand, now (quite on purpose) grimaced a little and tried her hardest to do what she thought Peter would have done if he had been there.

"You two are going to have your hair cut, and that's that. You may do anything you want so long as _both_ of you have your hair cut. So if you please, I am now going into the cabin to get things ready while you sort the matter out."

Lucy had said this not unkindly, as you perhaps imagined - not even very, very sternly, as she had planned it inside her head - but rather she spoke quietly with as much pity as she could muster for the unfortunate victims, and then walked off to find her way to the cabin.

Caspian and Edmund felt awkward and spent a whole minute refusing to look at one another. But not very long after, Drinian came on deck to check on the men who were supposed to be changing shifts but found them watching a very intense duel instead. It was an incredibly exciting affair because while Caspian was much bigger and taller, Edmund was faster and evidently more skilled with his sword. Some found it sickeningly familiar, remembering the High King Peter and how he dueled Miraz the usurper. But for the most part it was great entertainment and the crew watched eagerly. There were cheers of encouragement and surprise as the two Kings kept up the fight with flashing swordplay and quick feet - it was more like a dance than anything. Lucy left the cabin at just the right time, joining the circle of onlookers to watch as Edmund managed to disarm Caspian with some ancient sword trick that no one remembered anymore. Edmund was grinning wildly, even when his hair was covered in sweat and stuck to his forehead. Caspian was laughing and clapping his hands, his sword on the floor. And like Edmund, his hair was a dreadful mess, and the great yellow mop (as Lucy called it) was wet and hung close to his face. But he looked so happy, and if Peter had been there he would have said that Caspian had that "awestruck" look again, the one that made him look much more like a little boy listening to stories than a King of Narnia. But no one blamed him for it. Lucy thought both kings to be uncommonly like little boys anyway for ignoring the woeful state of their hair. The matter of haircuts forgotten, Caspian and Edmund shook hands.

"Alright," said Lucy. For a second, the two beamed at her, and then they suddenly remembered why there was a duel in the first place.

"I say," said Edmund, "you lost, and now you must have your hair cut first!"

"Oh, no," said Caspian.

Lucy smiled. "You'll feel better about it once it's over," she reassured him. "You'll see."

The men watched bemusedly as Lucy dragged the King with her into the cabin. Edmund stayed behind, wondering how long it would take.

When Caspian and Lucy came out again, he looked quite remorseful but the yellow mop had been very much improved. Now it seemed much cleaner, and definitely shorter. To tell you the truth, Lucy liked his hair better that way - it was how it looked when they first met three (or was it only one?) years ago. Besides, one couldn't call it "the great yellow mop" anymore if it was clean. And she knew that it is _much_ easier to use your sword if there are no strands of hair swinging over your eyes once in a while, not to mention the dreadful sticky mess it turns into afterwards.

Now it was Edmund's turn. Seeing the fate of Caspian's hair, he felt incredibly hopeless about his own but allowed Lucy to pull him into the cabin. The haystack presently vanished. All that remained was Edmund's golden curls, nicely combed and washed. This made Lucy very happy, and Eustace's unspoken fear of fleas thankfully disappeared.

"Now you look like an ordinary boy again," said she, "without a haystack sitting on your head."

"It _wasn't_ a haystack," he grumbled, but didn't argue further.

Lucy left Edmund and Caspian to wallow in peace as she played chess with Reepicheep.

"Well," said Edmund. "That wasn't so bad. We could have had it over with without the showy duel."


End file.
